Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Next Night

"Dude, I don't know what to make of it, I put that sword in my closet like Fluffy said, and the flame went out. But I'm nervous, what if it starts up and burns the house down?" John was a little high strung. He was wasn't used to flaming hunks of cool metal sitting on his carpet, in his closet, full of cloths. James was a voice of reason however, "Man, I'm sure it's fine, think about what you've experienced in the last twenty four hours." And that was all it took, because John remembered exactly how the last twenty four hours had played out.
In the morning he woke up, and noticed first the sword on his bed. The second thing he noticed was the bed fire that started when he touched the sword with his foot and it ignited. After dousing his bed with a fire extinguisher, and opening every door and window in the house, he went down stairs for breakfast. Which, unlike the rest of his day was pretty good. The next mission was of course waking up James, often a nightmare of definitive quality. But it was a busy day, and they had important shit to do. Mainly, find a bag of weed, find real jobs, and somewhere in between the pool and smoking spliffs they had to return to the fountain to make sure that talking rabbits really exist.
So a phone call was made, by John, to Samantha, his hook up. Sam was sad to say, she was out, but gave him the number of a mutual friend that might be of some aid, she called him "D" which turned out to be somewhat fortuitous.
"Hey, is this D? Sam said to call you?" John said.
"Yes, this is D, do you know where Fourth and Rockwell is?"
"Yeah, the little mini mart?"
"Thats the one, go there, ask if the gentleman at the counter if they have any pickle milk. He'll direct you to where you can find it." Click.
"well, James, I guess we're going to have ourselves a bodega experience. First for everything right?" John asked.
"Yeah. This is going to be great. Should we bring the flaming sword for back up?" James joked.
The two young men made their way to the spot, a little nervous, meeting new people and all but they were confident.
"Hello, excuse me is there any one working here?" John asked walking in. The place seemed empty.
"Well, maybe they got robbed," said James.
"I suppose, it is that kind of neighborhood," John couldn't have said a worse thing.
"And what the fuck kind of neighbor hood is that, cracker? A Niggahood? Is that what you meant to say, huh? White boy?" A very irate black cashier stands up from behind the counter with a shot gun. He seems to have had some kind of run in with racists in the past, and clearly is just trying to get to the bottom of things.
"Um, no, I meant poor actually. Poor neighborhood. I've seen all sorts of poverty stricken white kids on these streets. I have not one racist bone in my body. I was actually looking for some Pickle Milk to tell you the truth. Have any?" John spoke calmly to the man. Trying not to invoke any violent reactions.
"Pickle Milk!? Oh, shit, D must have sent for you, okay, okay, yeah, Take a walk back to the freezer. Open the door on the left, and just reach out and grab the Hungry Man Pickle Milk Stroggenof Microwavable Dinner. Don't pull too hard though, your not looking to take it off the shelf." As James opened his mouth to ask what the hell this guy was talking about the cashier spoke first, "You'll see what I mean when you get there, just go."
John opened up the door and motioned for James to grab the frozen meal.
"Hell no man, you grab it. Your the one who wants to get high so bad." James was always kind of a prick about this k ind of thing.
"Fuck you man, I'm gonna smoke this by my self if you don't grab it." John gave the look with his face that said, 'Im no fuckin round mate.' and James grabbed the meal. The shelf began to retract, pulling the meal right out of James' hand and where the shelf used to stand a stairway to a door way was exposed. Our hero's walked down the steps towards the door.

You begin to regain your sense of reality, and like waking from a dream you look around to discover you really are still in a bar, laughing and rowdy people surround you. They're drinking and smoking, and the Story Teller sits still next to you, lighting another smoke.
"So, what do you think so far? Pretty cool trick, this story thing right? Not every night you go out and get to experience another reality." He smiles, and inhales off his smoke. You find yourself a little antsy, wanting to know more about John and James, the Talking Rabbits, and the war for earth. And so you will. With a puff of smoke, the Story Teller surrounds you once again in the setting of the story, the Door to D at the bottom of the stairs swings open, and the smoke settles. John and James walk through the door, and are quite surprised to find a short haggard looking man hunched over a table, and four suitcases with different drugs and denominations of weight.
"What can I do for you gentleman? I have whatever you need, from a joint of weed to a speed ball bump, whatever your hump, we satisfy your jones," He paused and snap-pointed to a spot in thin air over the suitcases, "right here."
John spoke first "umm, wow, thats a lot of different shit. Can I just get a half of your most economic green?"
"economic green, why whatever do you mean? I have highs, I have lows, I have in betweens you know? State your leisure, it will be my pleasure!"
"Now that was crafty, I gotta give props for the leisure and pleasure rhyme, it took some skillz" James, who lacked a social filter of any sort added to the conversation.
"Um, well, I've got 60 bucks to spend, what ever that will get me." John wasn't picky, he just wanted to get high and not have to buy weed again in two days. He also articulated this.
"To get high, and not have to buy, so often, to the coffin of your wallet. I understand my man, and I can do what I can." The haggard man tossed John a bag, he could smell it as it flew through the air. "60 bucks little man, put that shit, in my hand! Hah, I stole that one from Jay and Silent Bob, but I love when movie quotes are applicable to real life."
As the men left they were somewhere between flabbergasted, and relieved. It was time to roll a spliff, turn in a few applications and smoke the fuck out of the joint. And this they did.
Which brings us to where we started, the two men walking towards the fountain to wait for Muffy, the talking hind leg walking Rabbit General.
By the time Muffy arrived, the men had smoked two spliffs, and were deep in conversation about the nature of human beings, and how they got to be so violent and stupid. On a whole.
"Well, you two are going to really get to know the nature of human beings, demons, angles, and neutrals, don't you worry. And good job on first contact with Dioxion, hows his weed?" Muffy appeared and made hast wasting no time getting down to business.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

"So, Replacements,"

Fluffy paced back and forth. "So, replacements, they didn't have the decency to give me the heads up.. I'm totally unprepared for this." The rabbit was walking on his hind legs like a man, hands on hip, he shot a look at John and the spliff. "Hey do you think I could get a pull of that man?" John looked down at Fluffy, and then to James, he shrugged, and said "Sure man, have at it." Fluffy took the spliff in his furry paws, like bugs bunny smoking a giant cigar he took a deep pull. Fluffy bit the end of the blunt and swallowed it.
"Jesus man, take it easy on the nibbling, that stuffs cheap but not that cheap!" John, like smokers can often be, was a little miffed at the audacity of the little fur ball.
"Relax Chong, you'll see things a little differently next time you pull off that." Fluffy smiled, and gave a nod to Muffy who was heading towards the Merry Go Round. " Take a look at Muffy after that hit." John took the spliff and pulled in deep, he looked around, and found Muffy sitting next to a tree by the Merry Go Round. James hit the spliff and saw the same.
"So what, I see a talking, hind leg walking, Rabbit kicking it by a tree," They shrugged, but jumped back as Muffy hopped closer to the Merry Go Round. They exhaled and watched a dome of energy form around the Merry Go Round as Muffy stepped into it, it was as though an invisible field of energy existed around the play ground ride. Muffy hopped into the dome and transformed into a beautiful tall blond woman with silky complexion. The black splotches of her fur turned into a silk black dress that draped off of her body like a mist of air committed to her body. She smiled and stepped back out into the park, and once again was a rabbit.
"Pretty neat trick right? You guys should see what I look like, " Fluffy began. John took the liberty to interrupt however,"I'm sure its a wonder."
"Right, dick. Anyway, this is an entry point into the world of the spirit. That guy you saw come here, Dioxion was his name. He is a ranking agent in Hell's Army Intelligence Community(HAIC), and tonight you caught him giving safe passage to ranking Generals of the Core of Demons(COD), and a few of the top cats from the Legion of Minions(LOM)." Fluffy continues. "James, are you going to hit that or pass that?" Fluffy said.
James hit, and passed the joint, "Sorry man."
"It's no problem," Fluffy, now smoking more of a roach talked while holding his breath. He exhaled, "Dioxion has been moving and shaking in these parts for about a year or so, we started surveillance about six months ago, as you know. His story is pretty simple, like I said, he's top HAIC, he's worked in every branch of Hell's Army, and is frankly, the only one of these bastards we want to bring in alive." Fluffy smiled, passing the roach to John, "That's where you guys come in, I guess, your first assignment. To fun his activities of the spiritual realm, Dioxion is known to dabble in... how would you say... street corner entrepreneurship. " Fluffy paused, John took an opportunity to get a word in,
"So he's a dope dealer?" John tossed the roach to the ground, for the bugs, the spirit of the earth.
"Oh yeah, he's a dope dealer alright. Crack, Heroin, Pills, PCP, Weed, Coke, Special K and Ecstacy. A regular Sears and Robuk, so to speak." Fluffy plopped down on all fours, "Look, for now I need you guys to get close to this guy, get into his scene. Your spiritually apt already, by your nature, he's going to know your players, just don't let him know who's side your on." Fluffy gave the men a nod, to say, 'you know what I mean?'
"You mean you want us to tell this guy we worship the devil so he'll give us secrets?" James asked.
"No, I want you to buy drugs from him, and become his friend, let him know, that you know, the war is coming, and offer your services, let him know what side you want to be on." Fluffy paused, "basically, you need to go to this guy and defect from the Nation of God, and swear to divulge secrets of the Army of God. Of course, we'll give you the proper secrets, you'll be prepared." Fluffy stood up on his hind legs again, "don't fuck this up guys, it's your first gig. And relax, it starts tomorrow, so get some rest. We'll meet here again tomorrow night to go over some more fine print. Well, Muffy will meet you here, I'm going to Hawaii.
"Oh yeah, one more thing," Fluffy pointed behind the men, to the fountain. The fountain began to hiss and boil, the water took on a shine like mercury and began to boil. With a violent eruption of fire and steam, something shot out of the fountain, and with a sonic boom and a delayed scream went soaring light years into the nights sky. It was only a moment later that John and James saw a bright twinkle in the distance.
The twinkle got brighter and began to move, and like an approaching asteroid came hurling back towards the earth. The fire in the sky was seen from New York to Los Angles, from Seattle to Miami, but it only lasted a second. The engulfed sky shrunk around a single flaming streak which penetrated the ground, melting concrete like butter.
"Holy shit, " John said, backing up his eyes gazing on a sword of fire, which seemed to burn effortlessly with out any fuel source.
"John, take the sword," Fluffy spoke in a very deep, and serious tone, it was as though he was some one else. "The flames will not hurt your hand, It is safe."
" I don't know man, I learned a thing or two about hot surfaces as a kid... Stove, hand, bad combination you know?" Fluffy however was not moved,
"It is safe."
John looked at James, but was disappointed to find that James was frozen in place, he seemed, in a trance. "Okay, I suppose." As he walked towards the sword, the flames grew hotter and John could feel it on his face. A whirl wind of flame swirled around the sword, but to his surprise, his hand felt no heat as he reached into the torrent of fire. The handle was cool to his hand, this moved up his arm and across his body. As he pulled the sword from the cement the flames dropped down to a low roar, pilot light variety.
"That's a tool of the trade, you should put it in your closet for now, you won't need it for a while." Fluffy smirked, and scurried off into the bushes.
James was dazed, and grasped for reassurance that he wasn't dreaming, "John, What the hell just happened? I was in like a space ship of some kind, this weird guy gave me this sword." John's head darted to the sword in James' hands.
"Man, you won't believe this," and John flashed his flaming sword.
"Oh, that is cool."

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The door opens, the warm inside air rushes past you

You step into the warm dark atmosphere, mellow jazz and blues rumble over the juke-box and a heavy cloud of smoke lingers in the air. The place is pretty packed, but you find a place at the bar and nestle down between a smoking haggered man with glasses on your right, and a rather large man, with food in his beard to your left.The haggered gentleman turns to you as you sit down, through drunk glazed eyes he extends a hand. You shake it and he speaks,
"Hello. Have a drink" He swaggers in his seat. "Have a smoke while you still can, states're passen smokin' bans left and right." He sways again, "Smoke if ya got em I always say, so tell me, do you have time for a story?" He hick ups, and tho you begin to speak, he cuts you off(its now that you realize he is more of a Story Teller, then a conversationalist). Pulling a deep drag off his cigarette he holds it in. Speaking with held breathe "Bar keep, Bar keep.. " with no response from bar keep, the Story Teller bangs his hands on the bar "STEVE, FUCK MAN!" The bar tender turns away from the blond at the other end of the bar and moseys over to the Story Teller. "Get my friend a drink," He looks at you, and adds "Anything you want, if it's not on the menu, just tell Steve how to make it." Steve makes your drink while the Story Teller offers you a smoke, "Normally, I would ask what brought you here, but today, I happen to know why you are here. You've come to hear my story. It's a little long, there are many characters of influence, that have altered the way your world is lived. This is the story of the truth, the cosmic history of existence. Of course, being such a grand and involved story the question is where to start. " The Story Teller smiles, inhales deep on a fresh cigarette, lit by the end of his previous smoke. " I think we'll start somewhere in the middle, with the two greats. Have you seen "Dogma"? Kevin Smith's Genius take on the Role of the Angel of Death, post the great war of heaven. Well, it's said that souls, like matter are neither created nor destroyed, only changed, morphed, and recycled. Did you ever wonder what happened to those angels? Surely their souls were put to use somewhere??" The Story Teller pauses, and with an extended finger presses down on the rim of your glass. "In order to continue with the story, we need to create a bond of trust, nothing extravagant, just believe me when I tell you that the magic your about to witness is real." His finger lifts and your drink begins to glow. It starts out pink, shifts to blues, greens, silvers, and amber, and settles on a metallic golden red. A circumference of frost forms around the base of the glass, this transformed drink is cold. You look around you and the bar has frozen in place, the only animation is you, the drink and the Story Teller. "I know it's hard to believe, but magic and fate really do come together to amaze the ordinary person. Drink from this golden elixir of life, and prepare to experience this story first hand, as though you were the omnipresent narrator. You will know the inner thoughts, and motivations of the characters, you will walk along side this grand story as tho you were a fly on the wall. Or, you can turn around, and talk to that other guy... what will it be?" You look to your left, the large man has more food in his beard, and visible chunks of chewing tobacco stuck in his teeth. You look around the bar, everything from the smoke rising from the bar tenders cigarette, to the liquor he's pouring is effortlessly suspended in time, you look at the drink. You take the frozen drink down in a surprisingly smooth single gulp. The Story Teller's big smoky grin gleams, and for a moment his cold glassy eyes flare out past his glasses, fear rushes through you, but is quickly replaced by the warm embrace of the elixir. Your world begins to shift colors, and a calm darkness falls upon you as the Story Teller begins to speak again, " Now that we trust each other, and your mind is beginning to become a little more lucid, let me assure you, that although reality is currently vary malleable, you are safe, you are sound, and complete. You've just opened your mind to a new sense, like sight, sound, taste, feel, and smell, you will now know the experience of the imaginative sense. Hold on, and prepare to leave the bar." You notice the bar again, still frozen in time, but slowly objects in the bar start looking different. You find yourself floating away from the scene as The counter top slowly mutates, elongating and wrapping around to form the base of a round fountain. Bar stools fly into the air, and fuse together in the center of the fountain to form an elegant statue of four fish jumping out of water, each moving in an opposing direction. Glasses off the counter float out to form stars along a dark horizon, and customers are transformed into trees, park benches, street lights, and cars along the road. When you finally find your self oriented your looking at two young men sitting on the base of a giant fountain of four fish leaping out of water. A hedge of bushes encircle the fountain, and the makings of a public city park set the stage.

"I don't know man, I think the answer to the worlds problems is lining the heads of state up at the Lincoln Memorial steps with a guillotine and reenact the french revolution with that grand statue of Lincoln smiling upon the finally free peoples of the world." John, out of breathe pauses to pull a few nugs of weed out of his bag. He sat his tri-fold wallet laid out on his lap, a worthy weed tray he thought. "Hey, James, can you light this with your phone's light man? I can't see a thing." James held his phone over John's lap as he broke the weed up. John was a papered stoner for the most part, the cigar was already broken and empty, with the weed broke up it was just a matter of rolling it. "I just think a blood drenched Lincoln Memorial steps would leave a lasting impression on the future generations of government. A message that would say, "we the people refuse to be fucked with, your job as Government is to protect and provide, not police and control. Time to man up." I mean the French get Government sponsored baby sitters. Do you know why? Because the French Government remembers The White Terror, and the fate of Robespierre and Marie Antoinette! " James, who as usual, wasn't really listening had been lacking on his light duties, "James, come on man, light man I can't see shit," John says.

"Sorry man, I was watching that guy over there," James points across the way to a very awkward man, bicycling down the street, in the direction of the park. "It's 3am, what the hell is that guy doing?"

John's face however says it all "Uhm.. .yeah, weird, but all I'm saying is the French government is afraid of it's people. Here in the states, the people fear the government."

"Yeah, that is true, but in this day and age, do you really think people will stand for violent displays like that?"

"Well, they accept Jackass and Viva La Bam as quality television programming. I think America would love it."
However, their conversation was interrupted once again by the biking drunk. They watch in awe as he flew his rusted and squeaky bicycle behind them. John lit the spliff he'd rolled as both young men focused on the drunk. He rolled up to a play ground, jumped off his bike and let it drop to the ground. With a certain amount of dramatics, he placed
both his hands on a bar of the merry-go-round. He waited for a moment and began spinning wildly.

"That's fucked up, what is he doing?," John puffed a question with the spliff, handing it to James.

"I don't know man, it looks like a crazy man spinning a merry-go-round at three in the morning with no one on it?" James hit the joint responding, he held it in. "Or, maybe he like, had a kid who got hit by a bus or something? Maybe he thinks there's someone on it?"

But as our hero's laughed and smoked, the old haggered man noticed, and began to bitch and holler. Not at our friends, but at the imaginary passenger. "Hurry up fucker, come on. We've been seen and have to get out of here!" The old man grumbles. Jumping on to his bike and scurrying off he continues to bitch and moan.
John and James looked at each other, over at the Merry-Go-Round, over to the man biking away, and back at each other. "What the fuck just happened?" The two burst into hysterical laughter, choking and smoking themselves to tears. However, in the bushes, two other characters were hiding, watching, and waiting. Fluffy and Muffy, rabbits, Special Rabbits, who happened to be waiting for this drunk to appear. They made their presence known over the low rumble of the laughter.

"Excuse me.. Excuse me.. Sirs." Fluffy spoke hopping out of the bush, standing in front of the two stoned men.

"A talking rabbit, this is good shit down here man, thanks for bringing me, " James said.

"No problem man, I'm glad to have ya, it's been tough by myself down here." John's eyes never left the talking rabbit as it spoke, he took the blunt in his mouth.

"Well, despite the quality of weed in the area, are you aware you just fucked up a six month investigation!" The white furry face of Fluffy was bright red, his fury obvious. "Six months! toil and trek, do you know where I'm supposed to be tomorrow? Hawaii!, HAWAII! Not Central Illinois, no, HAWAII! " He hoped back and forth, steam w
as actually leaking out of his ears.

"Fluffy... relax, you'll be in Hawaii tomorrow. These are the guys we're here for." Muffy, a white and black splotched flop ear rabbit hoped into view. "We're not here for Dioxion, he's their problem now. That's what it means to be a replacement."

Fluffy stoped in his tracks, "replacements?" for the first time in their lives, John and James saw a four legged furry creature stand on it's hind legs and dance a physical jig. "Fuck yeah, It's over, I am going to Hawaii! But I thought we were apprehending Dioxion."

"Well, the Director knew if he sent you on a mission to debrief your Replacement you wouldn't show. He remembers the last time he took you off a case. You remember Stryker don't you?" John and James were awestruck, they just passed the blunt in silence, watching as the two bunnies talked.
"Of course I remember Stryker, the director told me to stand down and I had a shot." Fluffy began to defend.
"Yes, a shot that missed, blowing the whole damn mission." Muffy turned to John and James, "Okay, the deal's pretty simple really, you guys are being charged with what you could call, a holy crusade. You've been recruited to the Army of God, in the war against Hell for Earth. Now, I know you guys probably had other plans, and we can't really make you do it, but It's the Army of God, is it really a difficult choice. Fluffy here will fill you in on the details, get you up to speed...."

"Steve, another round please." The story teller is facing you, as the bar hazes back into view. "Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to light another smoke and get us some more drink." The world of John, James, and the Two Rabbits have drifted away but seem still so close to you. You find yourself missing the cool night air of the park. You feel strange, but as the Story Teller Promised, safe.
"Ah, thanks Steve, much abliged, can you slide me a fresh ash tray?" Steve takes the ash filled glass tray and replaces a fresh clean one. The Story Teller smiles, inhaling off his fresh smoke.
"So, where was I?" The bar freezes again, but this time pixelates, breaking into millions of small squares and rearranging itself into the warm moonlit night at the park.